Modding on the Spectrum

I spent two hours in bed just trying to relax, partly with music through my headphones, partly without. The neighbour continued to make noise, of course. At 10.15 pm, I'd had enough of his antics and slammed the door of my wall unit really loudly, causing the objects inside to shake. I only did this once. There was dead silence for a moment. After that, I heard him, but the noises he was making weren't as loud as before.

This could become a new strategy: first lull the neighbour into a sense of security and then ‘strike’ briefly and loudly. I won't do this in the middle of the sleeping hours (the loud slamming of the the door of the wall unit was at the beginning of the sleeping hours) and I will be using this strategy only now and then (and only when he's making noise), otherwise I'll turn the other neighbours against me even more*.

* The neighbour next door suddenly started knocking loudly several times in succession at around 11 pm yesterday. I didn't know who it was at first. When I complained, I heard her laughing. I spoke to my mum about it. My mother said that the neighbour didn't have the right to just mimic me (more specifically my tantrums that I've had in the past). If it happened again, my mother would have a word with the neighbour.

That's why I was all the more restrained today when it came to my reaction to the noise from the neighbour above me: until now, I had briefly banged on the table a few times out of frustration when I was trying to concentrate on my work (I was working from home today as an exception). In the evening, I had kindly reminded him again not to slam the door (to emphasise my request and as a demonstration, I had quietly closed all my doors beforehand). Finally, the incident with the door of the wall unit followed.

As far as sleep is concerned, I try to stop forcing it and let it come to me. Last night, I was able to sleep more, but I don't know how much more, because I didn't look at the clock this time, because constantly looking at the clock puts you under additional stress.

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I slept about an hour today (more than the night before at least). I think my current sleep problems are because I'm trying too hard to fight the noise from the neighbour at night. The beta-blocker probably also plays a role because it can have a negative effect on the body's melatonin production. I will therefore not take the beta-blocker today (at least not just before going to bed) and try to fight less against the noise (I have tried doing nothing at all - this has had little to no effect on his behaviour).

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Because of the hypervigilance and hyperarousal, my psychiatrist prescribed me the beta-blocker propranolol, which I take when needed. The extreme anger reactions have stopped since I started taking the medication. As far as the problems falling asleep are concerned, I think the beta-blocker helps at least a little (I generally find it difficult to assess such things). When I take it, I combine it with melatonin, as I have read that it can lower melatonin levels ([url=https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10335905/]source[/url]). Fittingly, I just found this article about [url=https://www.couricenter.com/articles/sleep-science-unveiled-the-beta-blocker-melatonin-connection-by-michele-couri-md-facog-abihm/]The Beta Blocker-Melatonin Connection[/url].

And what does the neighbor do? A few days before I went to my mother's place (again), another incident occurred. After I complained about his stomping and then a few other things (I was really getting into it), he tried to stop my flow of speech by hitting something against something several times, pausing briefly and repeating this. After the third repetition, I shouted upstairs that I would call the police if he continued. Shortly afterwards there was silence. That was the first time I threatened him with the police. The days following this incident were quieter. The night after my return was also quieter. I only had to ask him once if he could please keep it down.

Last night I was woken up by stomping and in the bathroom I babbled very quietly that I hate being woken up. I don't know if he heard that. About an hour later I heard something crash to the floor, which he repeated again at a later time. Was it a coincidence or intentional?

This morning, after another banging, I made a bit of fun of him. I know this is rather counterproductive, but I guess it's still better than getting angry. At the end of my monologue, I said that he should prove to me that he can be a nice neighbor, that this is his challenge. Just before 10pm, he had been loud for a moment. It sounded more like everyday noise, which is unfortunately amplified by the thin walls. For about an hour now, I've only heard his door squeak and other quieter noises from time to time - I don't mind this so much because I can block it out with my headphones. I'm concerned about the noises that I can't block out with the earplug/headphone combination when I want to sleep. Anyway, I'm curious to see how the rest of the night unfolds... Just before I was about to submit this post, I heard another banging... sigh... I haven't done anything about it yet. Now I will primarily prepare for bedtime (including taking my medication).

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Edit:

I haven't slept at all.

[b]The second personal confrontation with the neighbour[/b]
I came home from work and was packing my things (I wanted to visit my mother again) when I was again disturbed by door slamming and the banging of things. This time I turned up my amplifier (a bit more) and played some (actually not so loud) music to block out the noise. But the thin walls amplified everything. Playing the music was met with more door slamming and banging and I turned up the amplifier again. A short time later, I overreacted even more: I very briefly banged on my door several times. I then accompanied the music with loud cheers. When someone rang my doorbell and knocked, I immediately turned the amplifier down to zero. The concierge was at the door and with him the neighbour who lives above me. Both were looking for the source of the noise (i.e. the music and the banging on the door). Unlike our first face-to-face encounter, this time I admitted that I was behind it. I told him why I was doing it, that I was having trouble sleeping because of the door slamming and the banging of things. In the end, I told him that he should please stop slamming the doors. He said yes and didn't even deny that he was slamming the doors.

[b]Should I try behavioral therapy (again)?[/b]
I get on my own nerves with my behavior because in the end it just exhausts me. And I'm aware that I'll have to face the consequences if the neighbours complain about me to the landlord. I've never really learned how to deal with my impulses. My boss and my mother have suggested that I do behavioral therapy. I had done behavioral therapy many years ago, but for different reasons. At that time, I had not been willing to change things in my life (whenever I was supposed to do an exposure task, I backed out). Now that I'm a bit more mature (I hope so :sn-11:), therapy might be more successful. I will talk to my psychiatrist about it tomorrow. But I'm still undecided whether I should do the therapy. It can take half an eternity to get a place in therapy.

[b]Hypervigilance and hyperarousal[/b]
Through my research, I came across these two terms, which describe my current ailments very well. Because of [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance]hypervigilance[/url], I am extremely vigilant when it comes to the slightest noise from my neighbour. For example, when I want to go to sleep, I check for a while to see if he has ‘calmed down’ (after he has finally finished his daily chores, which seem very loud to me because of the thin walls and my sensitivity). However, because of past events, I am on constant alert and my nervous system is running at full speed, so I have great difficulty relaxing and finally finding sleep - this is the [url=https://www.verywellhealth.com/hyperarousal-in-ptsd-5219152]hyperarousal[/url]. [url=https://www.verywellhealth.com/thmb/innjoLRe16VntPJpgE3n_zvg7BY=/750x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/VWH_Illustration_Symptoms-of-Hyperarousal-in-PTSD_Illustrator_Ellen-Lindner_Final-caa7d177746e42ea84b73298997d0364.jpg]This chart[/url] has opened my eyes (I can tick all the things listed). My psychiatrist may be able to prescribe medication that will weaken my nervous system and the sometimes extreme reactions to external stimuli and take away my fear of the expected noises (it could probably be [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phonophobia]Phonophobia[/url] or [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia]Misophobia[/url]).

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[b]New strategy[/b]

(Edit: That only worked for a short time. I have written more about this at the end of the post.)

I have found a strategy to get my neighbours to be quiet, but I only use it when the noise is very loud: I go from room to room and repeat certain words in a quiet tone for about 1 minute (sometimes longer, sometimes shorter and sometimes in just one room). This strategy came to me at the moment when the neighbour deliberately slammed the door loudly several times in succession. I had stupidly revealed in a monologue that I was afraid of this noise, which the neighbour rigorously exploited. That's why I stopped my monologue in the bathroom.

[b]Anger management[/b] (still a work in progress)
I'm managing to stay more and more calm and give my feelings their space. I still have an outburst of anger from time to time when I'm severely triggered. However, these outbursts of anger are no longer as extreme as they used to be and last less and less.

[b]Combining Quviviq with melatonin[/b]
As for my insomnia, I combined Quviviq with melatonin today (yes, I gave Quviviq another chance). At one point I was so tired I could barely stay on my feet. I slept for about 4 hours at a time, which I haven't managed for a while.

[b]Why I still want to move out[/b]
I have found a way to deal with the noise, but it doesn't change my decision to move out. I need a flat that is better suited to my limitations (such as noise sensitivity). About 5 years ago, I had neighbours living above me who were not as noisy as the last two. I became more sensitive to noise the more I was exposed to it. So I will make sure that the next flat is better soundproofed. I could, for example, ask potential neighbours to find out - this is a big challenge for me because of my social anxiety. I am therefore glad that I have people who support me in this matter.

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Edit:

[b]Here we go again...[/b]
They simply ignored my attempts later in the morning. The neighbour has visitors since yesterday. This makes it all the more difficult to combat the noise. Now I'm not going to do anything more in this direction until the visitors leave or I leave. My mum is picking me up tonight; I'll be staying with her until 15 January (during this time I will be working there from home). Until then, I'll try to put up with the noise with the help of earplugs and headphones combined with white noise. Maybe I'll go for a walk later to escape the noise for a little while.

Edit:

I finally decided to move after we beat each other up that night and that morning, slamming doors and banging on walls. Due to the constant lack of sleep, I am losing more and more control over my emotions.

So I have to come up with something before the move. For example, I could spend the night somewhere else more often.

My steadily deteriorating health is the main reason why I've come to this decision. I can no longer live in this flat with its thin walls. All my efforts to get the noise maker to shut up have made things worse.

I hope that I'll feel better in the new flat and that I'll find a new place quickly.




[hr][/hr]




Shortly before leaving work, I went to see my boss for a chat to talk about yesterday's situation. I'm really glad that he made time for me. He thinks my monologue is a bad idea, because the information I give away can be used by my neighbours as a point of attack. He cited my jumpiness as an example. The neighbour might think: "She didn't get scared this time? Then she's usually jumpy. So I could scare her more often now." I hadn't thought of it like that before. I primarily assume the good in people. But maybe I'm too naive in this matter. I think it's better if I don't verbalise my thoughts and fears in my flat any more, as the neighbours simply overhear too much. I could write these things in a diary instead.

Can you actually hear your neighbours doing the dishes? Around 5 o'clock in the morning, I heard the banging of dishes against the edge of the sink and the running of the tap (when he or she runs the tap, I hear a clatter). I asked the neighbour if he/she could postpone washing the dishes until the afternoon. After that, I didn't hear these noises for a while (they started again after about 7 o'clock). My boss said I couldn't forbid the neighbour from washing the dishes - it wasn't forbidden at night. So I guess I have to put up with it. These thin walls are another reason for the move (I'm working on a list of pros and cons to help me make a decision). The woman from the helpline advised me to move (I called the helpline for the first time a few days ago, which took a lot of effort).

As far as sleeping aids are concerned, I have now tried a few things. Melatonin and meditation videos have been more successful for me than the medication my psychiatrist recently prescribed me (Quviviq). I had been taking this medication for 16 days and it had basically done nothing. Two tablets of melatonin with a dose of 2 mg each have a contrary effect. If I get too upset, the effect of melatonin fizzles out and I am wide awake. Listening to bedtime stories or radio plays keeps my brain awake because it wants to follow the plot. I may have more success with non-fiction audio books.

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I had an enlightening acoustic encounter in the bathroom today. For some time now, I had got into the habit of talking to myself in the bathroom to deal with the noise pollution. When I heard a loud thump earlier, I said that I wasn't scared this time and that I was slowly getting used to the noise. But I also said that this is not a licence for the person making the noise. I then heard an annoyed "Yes, yes, yes!". It wasn't a man's voice, but a woman's.

Two women live near me: the neighbour above me and the one next to me. It didn't sound like the neighbour next to me, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. It's generally difficult to identify the source of noises in this building as they can travel through the reinforced concrete. Because of this and the thin walls, I may have suspected the wrong person in whole or in part.

I can no longer withdraw the letter of complaint, but I can change my behaviour in the future. It doesn't matter who the real noise polluter is anymore. I will continue to try not to freak out again. Lately I've just been suppressing my anger. That wasn't a good idea. A few days ago, my anger broke out. Now I'm looking for ways to channel my anger better. During my research today, I found a lot of helpful information in [url=https://eggshelltherapy.com/repressed-anger/#How_to_Release_Repressed_Anger]this article[/url].

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I have received the reply from the landlord. They consider the noises that I find disturbing to be “socially normal” in a building with over one hundred tenants and that they can occur from time to time. The landlord cannot tell the tenants what shoes they have to wear in the apartment or what flooring they are allowed to use. Apart from pointing out the quiet periods, the landlord cannot do anything else. At least the landlord has announced that they will check the neighbour's doors for technical defects.

In the end, my complaint didn't achieve much. Either I learn to live with these noises or I move out. I'm still putting off the latter, because the fear of experiencing the same thing again or worse in a new apartment is still huge. As my psychiatrist and I had talked about my insomnia for a very long time in our last meeting, I didn't have time to address this issue. I will bring this up at the next meeting if I don't forget.

I was away for two weeks and came back this afternoon. Compared to before, the neighbour has been relatively calm so far. But it could be a completely different story tomorrow. I won't be keeping any more logs, as I now know that it won't help in my case.

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Yesterday, I had my appointment with my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomnia]insomnia[/url] and prescribed me a sleeping pill with the active ingredient [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daridorexant]daridorexant[/url]. He told me that it may take about 10 days before I feel any significant effect and that I should take it regularly. I had the feeling that he knew his stuff. Unlike my GP, he took the time to really listen to me. I have my next appointment with him towards the end of January to see how the medication has helped (if it works well, he would continue to prescribe it).

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Tonight, I tried a different method to make the neighbour quieter. First, I put myself in a calm state with the help of a meditation video. Then, when he slammed the door, I opened and closed mine quietly several times. Each time I opened the door, I said in a calm tone, for example, "door handle", "quiet", "we breathe in, we breathe out", "I am calm, you are calm" or "I am relaxed". I repeated the whole thing when he later slammed the door again. Then I used the meditation video to finally fall asleep. My sleep lasted about 5 hours (that's more than the night before). Of course, he was loud again much later (e.g. banging), but that was after I woke up. I told him I was already awake and repeated the words I said after his door slamming, but this time without opening and closing my door.

I then went to bed for a short while to relax. I listened to a meditation video with a meditation to start the day. This was followed by calm acoustic guitar music.

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