Modding on the Spectrum

I have a theory about the door slamming. I just remembered a note that was on the main entrance door a few months ago. In it, a person asked for the squeaking of the door to please stop. Sometime after that, I didn't hear the squeaking anymore and instead heard the slamming of doors. If my theory is correct, I am not the “direct” victim but a victim of “collateral damage”.

I was woken up this morning at around 5 o'clock by a slamming door. It couldn't have been the person I suspected. According to the concierge, he was on the night shift and didn't come back until around 8am. His friend was in his own apartment (I mean I saw the friend leave, actually I only saw him from behind). So who's the door slammer now? Because of today's realization, my mother and I are not going to look around for witnesses after all.

Instead, we're going to concentrate on the move. This Friday the paintwork will be checked by the janitor. If everything is in order, the next step is for the landlord to give me suggestions for a new apartment.

The vacation has done me good, so I can react more calmly to the slamming doors. Today I worked from home for a change and thanks to the earplugs and headphones I was able to ignore the slamming doors for a while. At around 3 p.m., I'd had enough and reprimanded the person. After that, it was quiet again.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

The public order office contacted me about the incident on 4 April at 1 am (the night I first called the police about the constant slamming of doors). They asked me for a written witness statement. I received the letter very late (only yesterday and the letter was dated 9 April). That's why I called the woman from the public order office today and told her about it. She will wait longer because of the public holidays. She was very friendly and understands my situation.

The problem is that I don't currently have any witnesses and the public order office can't do much without witnesses. But I should still send her my witness statement. I dropped the letter off at the post office earlier.

Because of my social anxiety, I have difficulties asking the neighbours who live near the neighbour in question whether they noticed anything on the night in question. My mum has offered to help me with this, but it won't happen until after Easter. I mentioned these difficulties in my witness statement. I wrote that I would try anyway and that I would provide witnesses later.

The woman from the public order office gave me a tip: I could describe my problem with the neighbour to the contact police in my district and they could in turn speak into his conscience in a friendly manner.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

On Thursday, I finally called the police (around 1 am) because the door slamming wouldn't stop during the night and I was lying on the floor crying. I felt taken seriously by the two police officers. The neighbour will probably get a fine.

On Sunday, I called the police again (around half past five in the morning). This time I hesitated too long, so the cops couldn't do anything but ring his doorbell (he didn't open the door). The policewoman told me on the phone that I shouldn't always call the police for slamming doors and that I should talk to the neighbour in person. I said that because of my social anxiety this would not be so easy. She also said that most of the flats in my neighbourhood have thin walls and that she also lives in a flat with thin walls. Does that mean I should put up with it? For now, I'm not going to call the police again, at least as far as the door slamming is concerned. I'm spending a few days with my mum anyway and hopefully I can recover a bit from this nightmare.

From Sunday morning (a few hours after the police arrived) until I left on Sunday afternoon, my neighbour was exceptionally quieter. I hadn't responded to his door slamming and the thuds for a while because I was trying to sleep for a few hours. Then around 10:30 am, I slammed the door of my wall units several times and and shouted that he should stop slamming the door. I then delivered my monologue in the bathroom in a calm tone, describing how the door slamming makes me mentally and physically ill, that I am extremely sensitive to noise and that my brain is unable to block out this noise. Afterwards, I was able to watch my favourite TV shows, for example, without being disturbed. Shortly before I left, I heard his door ‘bang’ again (it wasn't that loud this time). I said to myself that my nervous system was overreacting and actually everything was fine, that there was nothing to be upset about. This helped me calm down before I got really angry (yay, I've made another step forward in controlling my emotions :sn-23: ). After that I heard his door squeak - the squeak is a good sign because if it squeaks, he's not slamming the door at that moment.

I would also like to point out that my physical and emotional reactions to the door slamming have not been so extreme since the first police intervention. Perhaps it was partly due to the fact that I didn't have to endure any door slamming for a day in between (the day the painter was there) and I was able to recover a bit and therefore had my emotions better under control. Maybe I'm slowly getting used to this noise - a kind of forced exposure therapy :sn-5:. The last conversation with the other neighbour and the concierge on Saturday also helped a bit.


[quote=Selene310187 post_id=2849 time=1743369326 user_id=2]I've made further progress with the planning for the move. I've made an appointment with the painter. The landlord told me to paint certain things in my flat so that I could get suggestions for a new flat. Yes, it sounds shady, but I don't want to spoil things with the landlord. I just want to get out of this flat and (hopefully) find peace in a new one.[/quote]
The painter painted my doors, door frames, skirting boards and radiators last Friday. I will soon be asking the caretaker to approve the painting work.

My ‘favourite neighbour’ has recently started making noise at night again. But I refrain from reporting it to the landlord. Instead, I write down the incidents and save them for the eventual mediation meeting. The letter in which I ask for the mediation meeting is ready. All I have to do is make a fair copy of the handwritten noise log, which I enclose with the letter. The neighbour does not have to agree to the meeting as it is voluntary. But I am at least showing my good will to settle this dispute.

Since two other neighbours have complained to the concierge about me a second time (because my reactions to the neighbour's noise were too loud), I've pulled myself together even more. If I notice that I'm getting louder again, I immediately try to calm down by saying ‘Quiet, quiet’ to myself and taking a deep breath. Then I try to distract myself with other things. Yesterday, for example, I sang a few songs (I watched music videos with lyrics and sang along), then watched a film and then played Skyrim on my laptop.

I think I've just found a new way to distance myself from the neighbour's behaviour: I use the formal form to address him instead of the casual one. When I did that, it felt like a switch had flipped in my head. The anger I felt before had evaporated in that moment. But after I was triggered several times a short time later by slamming doors, the anger resurfaced, but it had lost its intensity.

I've made further progress with the planning for the move. I've made an appointment with the painter. The landlord told me to paint certain things in my flat so that I could get suggestions for a new flat. Yes, it sounds shady, but I don't want to spoil things with the landlord. I just want to get out of this flat and (hopefully) find peace in a new one.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

[b]Finally getting some more sleep again[/b]
It was now the third night that I was NOT disturbed by door slamming and thuds :sn-13:. The first three days of this week I had only slept a total of about 4 hours. It was during this time that my last big freak out happened. Not long after, I begged my neighbour to please not slam the door at least at night and in the early hours of the morning. I told him that I didn't know what I would do if I couldn't sleep another night (this was not meant as a threat). On the night from Wednesday to Thursday I was able to sleep halfway, or to be more precise, I think I slept. I can't remember dreaming. But at least I was able to work without my eyes falling shut again and again.

[b]The neighbour's DIY and how I deal with it[/b]
Thursday around 11pm he started his DIY work. I initially interpreted the noises as slamming doors and shouted upstairs that he should please not slam the doors. I then heard him talking to someone. After that, I no longer heard these disturbing noises that night. I think he was working with a chisel, because something always fell to the floor after the thud (probably a piece of wood). Just now I heard him sawing.

Yesterday I deliberately stayed out late to get away from the noise at home. I made a spontaneous evening/night trip to the Molenturm, a small lighthouse in the harbour area of the city of Bremen in Germany. This hike did me good. I was able to sleep through the night without any problems until I was woken up by a slamming door at half past seven (but luckily I was no longer in a deep sleep at this point).

As long as he is busy with his DIY stuff, I have to wear earplugs at home in combination with headphones to be able to endure this. But as I don't want to do that all the time now, I'll go outside today as soon as I've got ready.

[b]Next step on my healing journey: improving my mental health by stimulating the [url=https://www.massgeneral.org/news/article/vagus-nerve]vagus nerve[/url][/b]
I am constantly searching the Internet for solutions to my current problems. Researching helps me to distract myself (but sometimes it distracts me too much, but that's another story :sn-11:). I recently came across an info dump on Reddit regarding [url=https://www.reddit.com/r/hsp/comments/1jg39t0/comment/mix6r5w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&rdt=44441]vagal tone and dysregulation[/url]. So if I improve my vagal tone by stimulating the vagus nerve, I can better manage my emotions and reduce stress. Exercises to stimulate the vagus nerve can be found [url=https://www.charliehealth.com/post/vagus-nerve-exercises]here[/url].


Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

Since yesterday's conversation with my mate, I've managed to respond to my neighbour's door slamming only verbally. I let my rational side speak (for the most part).

The neighbour above me has his friends over. Of course the doors were slammed. I slammed them back and that's how it went. Shortly after I banged my fist on the table several times, the neighbour next door rang my doorbell and knocked on the door at the same time. She had had enough of my behaviour. I didn't open the door and let her rage. She complained about me to the other neighbours. She was right! I am completely out of line. The issue of a lack of emotional regulation is coming to the fore more and more. I finally have to do something about it. My boss reminded me again to try autogenic training recently (this has completely slipped my mind).

About half an hour after the neighbour rang the doorbell, my mate R. called. In the almost two hours we talked, I only reacted once with a short scream in response to the door slamming (I immediately apologised to him for this failure). He managed to calm me down enough and suggested that I go to the communal basement for a short period of peace and quiet. Now I'm sitting here in the basement writing this text. I'm about to go for a walk to clear my head. I feel too uneasy to sleep at the moment. Just before I went into the basement, the neighbours were much quieter and stopped slamming the door (I heard the squeak of the door instead). Was it perhaps because I also kept quiet for a while?

And yes, I will pull myself together over the next few days and resist the temptation to take further retaliatory measures. The reaction of the neighbour next door showed me that I had gone too far.

As far as preparing for the move is concerned, I have made further progress. A small success at least.

Edit:

I apologised to my neighbours this morning for my behaviour yesterday.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

I am now on my way to my mother's and will stay with her for a week and a half. When I return, I'll get down to further preparations for a future move (today's conversation with my boss gave me a piece of my mind).

I drew up a roadmap for the move yesterday with a friend. We also collected the requirements for the new apartment in a list. My mother told me on the phone today that she had coincidentally also thought about these requirements. My No. 1 requirement is definitely better soundproofing, followed by the greatest possible distance from busy roads and other things. I'm curious to see what results she came up with.

Edit:

I arrived at my destination about half an hour ago. I'm now going to watch a few videos on YouTube and then go to bed.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to address the anxieties that are contributing to my slow progress in preparing for the move.

Last night was exceptionally quiet. I don't know if it was because the neighbour is probably done with the noisy part of his DIY project or because I had pulled at his heartstrings, so to speak, the morning before. After he slammed the door again, I said to him, ‘Why are you torturing me? I see that as torture. What have I done to you?’. About 20 minutes later, I actually started crying loudly. Anyway, for almost two days now I've hardly heard the slamming of the door, and when it has been slammed, it hasn't been as loud as before. But I don't want to get my hopes up, because my hopes have been dashed too often.

Edit:

I knew it: the peace in the night was short-lived. Late that night, he started slamming the door again. He seems to be "addicted" to it. It's a good thing I'm going to my mum's on Thursday evening and will have some peace and quiet there at night.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)