Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

[Selene310187]

A quiet night
Last night I tried the melatonin again and the neighbour was a little quieter (at least I hadn't noted anything in the noise log). I was able to sleep through the night for several hours.

A noisy morning and midday
In the morning and at lunchtime he was loud (banging and slamming the door several times). Then my mother came in around 1pm. She had finally noticed how he was making noise. When he realized that someone was visiting me, he kept very quiet. A short time later, my buddy arrived too.

Signing the noise log - driving to my mother's apartment
Both signed the completed letter to the landlord and the associated noise log as witnesses. The noise log covered a period of one month.

We then drove to my mother's apartment together, as the headboard of my new bed was supposed to go in her cellar (the bed wouldn't fit in my bedroom with the headboard - I had measured incorrectly at the time).

The Sleep With Me Podcast
A few days earlier, I spontaneously decided to spend the night at her place when I meet her on December 14. So I stayed with her and my buddy drove back home. I was a bit tired and tried out the "Sleep With Me Podcast" for the first time in the evening. It contains extra boring bedtime stories to help you fall asleep. After about 10 minutes of Marvin's Magic Bag, I was asleep. My nap lasted a few hours.

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[Selene310187]

Today, I sent the noise log and the corresponding letter by mail. Now I have to wait and see. It's very likely that I won't be notified by the landlord until the new year.

Strangely enough, the Sleep With Me Podcast only worked once. The other two times I was wide awake while listening. Maybe I was already very tired the first time. I may have better results with bedtime stories in my native language.

Audio books, sleep meditation and autogenic training are also on the list of things I will gradually try out.

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[Selene310187]

Tonight, I tried a different method to make the neighbour quieter. First, I put myself in a calm state with the help of a meditation video. Then, when he slammed the door, I opened and closed mine quietly several times. Each time I opened the door, I said in a calm tone, for example, "door handle", "quiet", "we breathe in, we breathe out", "I am calm, you are calm" or "I am relaxed". I repeated the whole thing when he later slammed the door again. Then I used the meditation video to finally fall asleep. My sleep lasted about 5 hours (that's more than the night before). Of course, he was loud again much later (e.g. banging), but that was after I woke up. I told him I was already awake and repeated the words I said after his door slamming, but this time without opening and closing my door.

I then went to bed for a short while to relax. I listened to a meditation video with a meditation to start the day. This was followed by calm acoustic guitar music.

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[Selene310187]

Yesterday, I had my appointment with my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with insomnia and prescribed me a sleeping pill with the active ingredient daridorexant. He told me that it may take about 10 days before I feel any significant effect and that I should take it regularly. I had the feeling that he knew his stuff. Unlike my GP, he took the time to really listen to me. I have my next appointment with him towards the end of January to see how the medication has helped (if it works well, he would continue to prescribe it).

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[Selene310187]

I have received the reply from the landlord. They consider the noises that I find disturbing to be “socially normal” in a building with over one hundred tenants and that they can occur from time to time. The landlord cannot tell the tenants what shoes they have to wear in the apartment or what flooring they are allowed to use. Apart from pointing out the quiet periods, the landlord cannot do anything else. At least the landlord has announced that they will check the neighbour's doors for technical defects.

In the end, my complaint didn't achieve much. Either I learn to live with these noises or I move out. I'm still putting off the latter, because the fear of experiencing the same thing again or worse in a new apartment is still huge. As my psychiatrist and I had talked about my insomnia for a very long time in our last meeting, I didn't have time to address this issue. I will bring this up at the next meeting if I don't forget.

I was away for two weeks and came back this afternoon. Compared to before, the neighbour has been relatively calm so far. But it could be a completely different story tomorrow. I won't be keeping any more logs, as I now know that it won't help in my case.

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[Selene310187]

I had an enlightening acoustic encounter in the bathroom today. For some time now, I had got into the habit of talking to myself in the bathroom to deal with the noise pollution. When I heard a loud thump earlier, I said that I wasn't scared this time and that I was slowly getting used to the noise. But I also said that this is not a licence for the person making the noise. I then heard an annoyed "Yes, yes, yes!". It wasn't a man's voice, but a woman's.

Two women live near me: the neighbour above me and the one next to me. It didn't sound like the neighbour next to me, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. It's generally difficult to identify the source of noises in this building as they can travel through the reinforced concrete. Because of this and the thin walls, I may have suspected the wrong person in whole or in part.

I can no longer withdraw the letter of complaint, but I can change my behaviour in the future. It doesn't matter who the real noise polluter is anymore. I will continue to try not to freak out again. Lately I've just been suppressing my anger. That wasn't a good idea. A few days ago, my anger broke out. Now I'm looking for ways to channel my anger better. During my research today, I found a lot of helpful information in this article.

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[Selene310187]

Edit:

I finally decided to move after we beat each other up that night and that morning, slamming doors and banging on walls. Due to the constant lack of sleep, I am losing more and more control over my emotions.

So I have to come up with something before the move. For example, I could spend the night somewhere else more often.

My steadily deteriorating health is the main reason why I've come to this decision. I can no longer live in this flat with its thin walls. All my efforts to get the noise maker to shut up have made things worse.

I hope that I'll feel better in the new flat and that I'll find a new place quickly.

Shortly before leaving work, I went to see my boss for a chat to talk about yesterday's situation. I'm really glad that he made time for me. He thinks my monologue is a bad idea, because the information I give away can be used by my neighbours as a point of attack. He cited my jumpiness as an example. The neighbour might think: "She didn't get scared this time? Then she's usually jumpy. So I could scare her more often now." I hadn't thought of it like that before. I primarily assume the good in people. But maybe I'm too naive in this matter. I think it's better if I don't verbalise my thoughts and fears in my flat any more, as the neighbours simply overhear too much. I could write these things in a diary instead.

Can you actually hear your neighbours doing the dishes? Around 5 o'clock in the morning, I heard the banging of dishes against the edge of the sink and the running of the tap (when he or she runs the tap, I hear a clatter). I asked the neighbour if he/she could postpone washing the dishes until the afternoon. After that, I didn't hear these noises for a while (they started again after about 7 o'clock). My boss said I couldn't forbid the neighbour from washing the dishes - it wasn't forbidden at night. So I guess I have to put up with it. These thin walls are another reason for the move (I'm working on a list of pros and cons to help me make a decision). The woman from the helpline advised me to move (I called the helpline for the first time a few days ago, which took a lot of effort).

As far as sleeping aids are concerned, I have now tried a few things. Melatonin and meditation videos have been more successful for me than the medication my psychiatrist recently prescribed me (Quviviq). I had been taking this medication for 16 days and it had basically done nothing. Two tablets of melatonin with a dose of 2 mg each have a contrary effect. If I get too upset, the effect of melatonin fizzles out and I am wide awake. Listening to bedtime stories or radio plays keeps my brain awake because it wants to follow the plot. I may have more success with non-fiction audio books.

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[Selene310187]

New strategy

(Edit: That only worked for a short time. I have written more about this at the end of the post.)

I have found a strategy to get my neighbours to be quiet, but I only use it when the noise is very loud: I go from room to room and repeat certain words in a quiet tone for about 1 minute (sometimes longer, sometimes shorter and sometimes in just one room). This strategy came to me at the moment when the neighbour deliberately slammed the door loudly several times in succession. I had stupidly revealed in a monologue that I was afraid of this noise, which the neighbour rigorously exploited. That's why I stopped my monologue in the bathroom.

Anger management (still a work in progress)
I'm managing to stay more and more calm and give my feelings their space. I still have an outburst of anger from time to time when I'm severely triggered. However, these outbursts of anger are no longer as extreme as they used to be and last less and less.

Combining Quviviq with melatonin
As for my insomnia, I combined Quviviq with melatonin today (yes, I gave Quviviq another chance). At one point I was so tired I could barely stay on my feet. I slept for about 4 hours at a time, which I haven't managed for a while.

Why I still want to move out
I have found a way to deal with the noise, but it doesn't change my decision to move out. I need a flat that is better suited to my limitations (such as noise sensitivity). About 5 years ago, I had neighbours living above me who were not as noisy as the last two. I became more sensitive to noise the more I was exposed to it. So I will make sure that the next flat is better soundproofed. I could, for example, ask potential neighbours to find out - this is a big challenge for me because of my social anxiety. I am therefore glad that I have people who support me in this matter.

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Edit:

Here we go again...
They simply ignored my attempts later in the morning. The neighbour has visitors since yesterday. This makes it all the more difficult to combat the noise. Now I'm not going to do anything more in this direction until the visitors leave or I leave. My mum is picking me up tonight; I'll be staying with her until 15 January (during this time I will be working there from home). Until then, I'll try to put up with the noise with the help of earplugs and headphones combined with white noise. Maybe I'll go for a walk later to escape the noise for a little while.