Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

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Selene310187
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Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

Post by Selene310187 »

I haven't slept much in the last couple of days. The neighbour is very inconsiderate. He slams his doors, stamps his foot and clatters very loudly in the middle of the night. In the past, he made noise and I made noise in revenge. I stopped doing the revenge part but he didn't stop and made it even worse. He is now slamming his door in the night, too (which he didn't do before).

I've been keeping a noise log for a about a week now. I've already written a few things down. I will keep the noise log for two to three weeks and then submit it to the landlord.

The problem is that I have great difficulty falling back asleep after being woken up. I can't calm down because I'm too emotionally upset.

Yesterday morning I cried for half an hour because I was just emotionally exhausted.

Today I even begged him to let me sleep. It has helped a little. I was able to sleep for about 4 to 5 hours. Then he returned to his usual behavior and woke me up with a slamming door at about half past six in the morning. I then told him that he had woken me up by slamming the door and caused my heart to race. He then closed the door more quietly. A few hours later, I heard such a loud crash that it felt like my walls were shaking.

Before I left the house today, I apologized to him for my outbursts of anger in the past and told him that it wasn't a good idea to react to his disturbance of the peace with anger, which I have now realized. Because my anger has contributed to this current situation. And maybe he also wants revenge for the letter of complaint from the landlord.

I'm really on the brink of a nervous breakdown now.

Do you know any things that can calm me down enough to get back to sleep when I'm upset? What else can I do apart from the noise log?

Partly translated from German with DeepL.com (free version), as I don't have the mental capacity to express everything in English at the moment.
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Avrie
Joined: Thu Nov 03, 2022 11:37 pm

Re: Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

Post by Avrie »

Well that totally sucks, I could recommend soft earplugs, and white noise. Chamomile tea, and tryptophan...

But nothing will help if he's slamming doors... A shotgun maybe? As you say, the complaints may just make it worse. Try sitting down with him over a nice cuppa tea and explaining the situation. Let him know you don't want to complain, but you're loosing too much sleep. Try and involve him in the solution rather than being the problem. I understand it's simply a shifting of perspective, but the stress of not being able to do anything needs to be addressed. At least if dialog is open, there is the possibility of progress.

Sorry love, I don't really have a push button solution other than to not let this become combative.
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Re: Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

Post by Selene310187 »

Thank you for your advice, Avrie. I haven't invited him for a cup of tea, but the walls are thin enough for him to understand what I'm saying. I apologized again for my tantrums in the past because I wasn't sure if he caught it the first time. I described how loud the door slamming sounds to me. It sounds as loud as hitting the wall with a hammer. During the night, I didn't hear the door slam, but instead I heard another banging. I asked him if he could at least be quiet at night so that I can sleep. He confirmed this by knocking softly twice in quick succession. After that, I was actually able to sleep through the night without being woken up by noise!

Nevertheless, I will continue to observe the situation. Because too often a quiet phase was followed by a noisy phase. Example: After the last letter from the landlord, he was quiet for a few days. Then the noise nuisance continued and it got even worse.

The fact that I had an undisturbed sleep this time gives me hope that the situation will improve.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
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Re: Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

Post by Selene310187 »

Edit:

I spoke to my boss about the situation this morning. He said I should never have shouted and should have rung the neighbour's doorbell instead. The noise log wouldn't be worth anything if I got on the same level as my neighbour. So I'm going to stop this behavior from now on, even if I find it hard when I get triggered again.

My boss also said that I shouldn't make any more contact with the neighbor and that if I saw him, I should give him a friendly nod. In his opinion, it was too late for a clarifying conversation, because with the complaint and the noise log I'm currently keeping, I'm about to kick the neighbour out of the apartment.

Nevertheless, I will continue to keep the noise log. But I will extend the period and at the end I will consider whether I really want to send the noise log to the landlord. Because overall the neighbour has become quieter.






Well, it only went well for one night (see my previous post). My watch shows 6:47am right now and I haven't slept since 4am. At least I managed to fall back asleep after the first slamming of the door, which happened at 1:40am. Around half past six I loudly reprimanded him because it was getting too much for me. I was able to control myself enough not to slam the doors myself in return. My alarm clock would have rung at 8:10am. Now I don't need to get back to bed to get any more sleep because I'm wide awake.
Last edited by Selene310187 on Thu Nov 21, 2024 10:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
A paleofdye n
Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2024 10:08 pm

Re: Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

Post by A paleofdye n »

Sorry to learn about your sleep and neighbour issues, I feel for you! I have not been in your specific situation myself but I imagine it must be utterly terrible. Perhaps one could record the noises the neighbour makes during the night with a mobile phone camera to show the landlord

here are a few ideas that came in to my mind reading about your situation

try sleeping with the TV turned on onto a music channel in your bedroom, the music might help smoothing out any sudden noises

try recovering from a week of sleeping poorly by sleeping all day (really the whole day) on every sunday, using some form of sleeping aid, (anti histamines which is basicly allergy medicine helps me sleep soundly and I would typically take it saturday night about an hour before going to bed and put some earpods on, I imagine some alcohol would do the same for other people. )
Because if you have one long sleep at least once a week it might help

try asking a friend if its OK if you catch some sleep at his/her/their place during daytime on weekdays, might help

Best wishes !
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Re: Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

Post by Selene310187 »

A paleofdye n wrote: Thu Nov 28, 2024 11:04 pm Sorry to learn about your sleep and neighbour issues, I feel for you! I have not been in your specific situation myself but I imagine it must be utterly terrible.
Thank you for your sympathy. Yes, living like that is terrible. My health is suffering, as is my ability to work. I saw my doctor today because of the persistent insomnia. She has put me on sick leave until Tuesday. I'm also supposed to take melatonin regularly about an hour before going to bed to regulate my sleep - I did this very irregularly before. According to my research, it can take two to three weeks before you notice any effect. So I have to be patient.
A paleofdye n wrote: Thu Nov 28, 2024 11:04 pmPerhaps one could record the noises the neighbour makes during the night with a mobile phone camera to show the landlord
Because the noises usually occur very suddenly, I don't have enough time to record them. However, I'm thinking about buying a security camera that can record the noises inside the apartment 24 hours a day (I read this suggestion in a post on Reddit).
A paleofdye n wrote: Thu Nov 28, 2024 11:04 pmtry sleeping with the TV turned on onto a music channel in your bedroom, the music might help smoothing out any sudden noises
I can't fall asleep to music because it distracts me. White noise or similar steady sounds seem to help me better, but only sometimes. I then combine earplugs with headphones that play the white noise. However, I may still wake up if the neighbour's noise was too loud. Some nights I try to sleep with just earplugs as the headphones feel uncomfortable when I'm lying on my side (I'm a side sleeper). I know there are sleep headphones with a headband, but I need to look into this more before I get some.
A paleofdye n wrote: Thu Nov 28, 2024 11:04 pmtry recovering from a week of sleeping poorly by sleeping all day (really the whole day) on every sunday, using some form of sleeping aid, (anti histamines which is basicly allergy medicine helps me sleep soundly and I would typically take it saturday night about an hour before going to bed and put some earpods on, I imagine some alcohol would do the same for other people. )
Because if you have one long sleep at least once a week it might help
Yesterday I tried a medication based on the antihistamine doxylamine. My body was tired, but my mind was not. When I went to bed at lunchtime today to relax, I actually fell asleep and was even able to sleep for two hours!

Nevertheless, I will try your suggestion, but initially only when I am off work or, as at the moment, on sick leave. Or I'll move this to a Saturday, because I usually sleep worse from Sunday to Monday as I'm awake much longer on Friday and Saturday. I find it very difficult to get used to going to bed earlier on Sunday.
A paleofdye n wrote: Thu Nov 28, 2024 11:04 pmtry asking a friend if its OK if you catch some sleep at his/her/their place during daytime on weekdays, might help

Best wishes !
I have a few friends who I might be able to bring up the subject with. Because I suspect it will be difficult with one of them because of his limitations. I don't want to burden the other one even more because he has a lot on his plate at the moment.

Every now and then, about once every one or two months, I spend the night at my mother's apartment. My grandpa is still there too. I've only had the opportunity to sleep in his guest room once so far when the noise pollution from the neighbour and his friends was very extreme.

I'm going back to my mother's on December 19 and will stay until the morning of Christmas Day (or was it the second day of Christmas?). I'll then spend the rest of my vacation with grandpa.
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