Neighbour brings me to the brink of a nervous breakdown

[Selene310187]

I haven't slept much in the last couple of days. The neighbour is very inconsiderate. He slams his doors, stamps his foot and clatters very loudly in the middle of the night. In the past, he made noise and I made noise in revenge. I stopped doing the revenge part but he didn't stop and made it even worse. He is now slamming his door in the night, too (which he didn't do before).

I've been keeping a noise log for a about a week now. I've already written a few things down. I will keep the noise log for two to three weeks and then submit it to the landlord.

The problem is that I have great difficulty falling back asleep after being woken up. I can't calm down because I'm too emotionally upset.

Yesterday morning I cried for half an hour because I was just emotionally exhausted.

Today I even begged him to let me sleep. It has helped a little. I was able to sleep for about 4 to 5 hours. Then he returned to his usual behavior and woke me up with a slamming door at about half past six in the morning. I then told him that he had woken me up by slamming the door and caused my heart to race. He then closed the door more quietly. A few hours later, I heard such a loud crash that it felt like my walls were shaking.

Before I left the house today, I apologized to him for my outbursts of anger in the past and told him that it wasn't a good idea to react to his disturbance of the peace with anger, which I have now realized. Because my anger has contributed to this current situation. And maybe he also wants revenge for the letter of complaint from the landlord.

I'm really on the brink of a nervous breakdown now.

Do you know any things that can calm me down enough to get back to sleep when I'm upset? What else can I do apart from the noise log?

Partly translated from German with DeepL.com (free version), as I don't have the mental capacity to express everything in English at the moment.

[Avrie]

Well that totally sucks, I could recommend soft earplugs, and white noise. Chamomile tea, and tryptophan...

But nothing will help if he's slamming doors... A shotgun maybe? As you say, the complaints may just make it worse. Try sitting down with him over a nice cuppa tea and explaining the situation. Let him know you don't want to complain, but you're loosing too much sleep. Try and involve him in the solution rather than being the problem. I understand it's simply a shifting of perspective, but the stress of not being able to do anything needs to be addressed. At least if dialog is open, there is the possibility of progress.

Sorry love, I don't really have a push button solution other than to not let this become combative.

[Selene310187]

Thank you for your advice, Avrie. I haven't invited him for a cup of tea, but the walls are thin enough for him to understand what I'm saying. I apologized again for my tantrums in the past because I wasn't sure if he caught it the first time. I described how loud the door slamming sounds to me. It sounds as loud as hitting the wall with a hammer. During the night, I didn't hear the door slam, but instead I heard another banging. I asked him if he could at least be quiet at night so that I can sleep. He confirmed this by knocking softly twice in quick succession. After that, I was actually able to sleep through the night without being woken up by noise!

Nevertheless, I will continue to observe the situation. Because too often a quiet phase was followed by a noisy phase. Example: After the last letter from the landlord, he was quiet for a few days. Then the noise nuisance continued and it got even worse.

The fact that I had an undisturbed sleep this time gives me hope that the situation will improve.

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[Selene310187]

Edit:

I spoke to my boss about the situation this morning. He said I should never have shouted and should have rung the neighbour's doorbell instead. The noise log wouldn't be worth anything if I got on the same level as my neighbour. So I'm going to stop this behavior from now on, even if I find it hard when I get triggered again.

My boss also said that I shouldn't make any more contact with the neighbor and that if I saw him, I should give him a friendly nod. In his opinion, it was too late for a clarifying conversation, because with the complaint and the noise log I'm currently keeping, I'm about to kick the neighbour out of the apartment.

Nevertheless, I will continue to keep the noise log. But I will extend the period and at the end I will consider whether I really want to send the noise log to the landlord. Because overall the neighbour has become quieter.

Well, it only went well for one night (see my previous post). My watch shows 6:47am right now and I haven't slept since 4am. At least I managed to fall back asleep after the first slamming of the door, which happened at 1:40am. Around half past six I loudly reprimanded him because it was getting too much for me. I was able to control myself enough not to slam the doors myself in return. My alarm clock would have rung at 8:10am. Now I don't need to get back to bed to get any more sleep because I'm wide awake.

[A paleofdye n]

Sorry to learn about your sleep and neighbour issues, I feel for you! I have not been in your specific situation myself but I imagine it must be utterly terrible. Perhaps one could record the noises the neighbour makes during the night with a mobile phone camera to show the landlord

here are a few ideas that came in to my mind reading about your situation

try sleeping with the TV turned on onto a music channel in your bedroom, the music might help smoothing out any sudden noises

try recovering from a week of sleeping poorly by sleeping all day (really the whole day) on every sunday, using some form of sleeping aid, (anti histamines which is basicly allergy medicine helps me sleep soundly and I would typically take it saturday night about an hour before going to bed and put some earpods on, I imagine some alcohol would do the same for other people. )
Because if you have one long sleep at least once a week it might help

try asking a friend if its OK if you catch some sleep at his/her/their place during daytime on weekdays, might help

Best wishes !

[Selene310187]

Sorry to learn about your sleep and neighbour issues, I feel for you! I have not been in your specific situation myself but I imagine it must be utterly terrible.

Thank you for your sympathy. Yes, living like that is terrible. My health is suffering, as is my ability to work. I saw my doctor today because of the persistent insomnia. She has put me on sick leave until Tuesday. I'm also supposed to take melatonin regularly about an hour before going to bed to regulate my sleep - I did this very irregularly before. According to my research, it can take two to three weeks before you notice any effect. So I have to be patient.

Perhaps one could record the noises the neighbour makes during the night with a mobile phone camera to show the landlord

Because the noises usually occur very suddenly, I don't have enough time to record them. However, I'm thinking about buying a security camera that can record the noises inside the apartment 24 hours a day (I read this suggestion in a post on Reddit).

try sleeping with the TV turned on onto a music channel in your bedroom, the music might help smoothing out any sudden noises

I can't fall asleep to music because it distracts me. White noise or similar steady sounds seem to help me better, but only sometimes. I then combine earplugs with headphones that play the white noise. However, I may still wake up if the neighbour's noise was too loud. Some nights I try to sleep with just earplugs as the headphones feel uncomfortable when I'm lying on my side (I'm a side sleeper). I know there are sleep headphones with a headband, but I need to look into this more before I get some.

try recovering from a week of sleeping poorly by sleeping all day (really the whole day) on every sunday, using some form of sleeping aid, (anti histamines which is basicly allergy medicine helps me sleep soundly and I would typically take it saturday night about an hour before going to bed and put some earpods on, I imagine some alcohol would do the same for other people. )
Because if you have one long sleep at least once a week it might help

Yesterday I tried a medication based on the antihistamine doxylamine. My body was tired, but my mind was not. When I went to bed at lunchtime today to relax, I actually fell asleep and was even able to sleep for two hours!

Nevertheless, I will try your suggestion, but initially only when I am off work or, as at the moment, on sick leave. Or I'll move this to a Saturday, because I usually sleep worse from Sunday to Monday as I'm awake much longer on Friday and Saturday. I find it very difficult to get used to going to bed earlier on Sunday.

try asking a friend if its OK if you catch some sleep at his/her/their place during daytime on weekdays, might help

Best wishes !

I have a few friends who I might be able to bring up the subject with. Because I suspect it will be difficult with one of them because of his limitations. I don't want to burden the other one even more because he has a lot on his plate at the moment.

Every now and then, about once every one or two months, I spend the night at my mother's apartment. My grandpa is still there too. I've only had the opportunity to sleep in his guest room once so far when the noise pollution from the neighbour and his friends was very extreme.

I'm going back to my mother's on December 19 and will stay until the morning of Christmas Day (or was it the second day of Christmas?). I'll then spend the rest of my vacation with grandpa.

[Selene310187]

I bought three different medications that should help sleep last week and the week before: melatonin, the doxylamine one (see previous post) and trimipramine (an antidepressant). The latter was prescribed by my doctor on December 3rd (I had seen her a second time because I needed something stronger). I researched whether I could take melatonin together with the antidepressant and found out that there can be interactions (i.e. the effect of one medication can be weakened by the other). So I only take one of the two regularly. I decided to take the antidepressant. I'm still working out the ideal dose. My doctor said I should take 5 drops about an hour before going to bed. I didn't think that was enough, because according to an article on ADxS.org, a dose of 10 to 25 drops is recommended (I also have ADHD, by the way).

When I took about 10 drops, I believe I was able to sleep better. I say “believe” because I'm not sure if it was much more because the neighbor held back on the days in question. I have to say, however, that I generally have problems feeling into myself. Yesterday, I took 15 drops of trimipramine and my heart started beating faster shortly afterwards. So 15 drops is already too much. I am therefore continuing to test the range between 5 and below 15 drops.

Today, I did a bit more research. ADHD in general can lead to various sleep problems:

Falling asleep
Staying asleep
Waking up

Source: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-sleep-disturbances-symptoms/

Added to this is my sensitivity to noise and the difficulty I have in blocking out noises due to my autism. Both get worse with increasing sleep deprivation. It's a vicious circle.

So there are two things I need to work on: eliminating the noise and calming my mind when it's restless or my emotions have taken over. As for the noise, the next step is to submit the noise log to the landlord, which I want to do before my vacation. Regarding calming down, I'm hoping a few strategies from these two articles will help me, which I also found through my research today:
https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-relax-your-mind-adhd-overthinking/
https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-calm ... ques-adhd/

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[Selene310187]

It looks like I've had a bit of a breakthrough with my sleep problems today. This time I skipped the calming tea because I had to go to the toilet a lot the night before. I have the impression that by omitting the tea, the same dose of the antidepressant (10 drops) now had a stronger effect. I was able to sleep for about 5 - 6 hours at a time. I woke up because I had to go to the toilet. It took me over an hour to fall asleep again, but I did fall asleep again - something I rarely manage to do. I also put on warmer clothes, which made it easier to fall asleep, because it always took half an eternity for my body to get warm enough under the blanket.

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[Selene310187]

It is a constant up and down. The death of the acquaintance (see my post in the Regulars' Table) is weighing heavily on me. On top of that, I ate too late and too much (to cope with the loss, I think). And so I couldn't sleep this time. Even if the neighbor had been quiet, I wouldn't have been able to sleep. This morning, after 7 am, we had a knocking duel and then I really lost it with screaming. After I calmed down again, I said audibly and without addressing anyone in particular that I needed to work on my anger. It's a good thing I have an appointment with my psychiatrist soon. Hopefully he will know what to do about this problem. At least I've managed to stop freaking out as often as I used to. I was able to keep calm for about three weeks in total. But the less sleep I get, the harder it is for me.

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[Selene310187]

Brown noise as sleep aid - neighbour's reaction
I had tried brown noise (this one) as a sleep aid that night. It worked a little. I was able to doze off. Until the neighbour stomped around violently at 1:45 am, which woke me up. After I turned the brown noise up a little, he suddenly stopped stomping. Strange. I left the brown noise on until the morning. At some point, he slammed the doors very hard. Did he not like the brown noise? It was at room volume. Are the apartments so badly soundproofed that he can hear that too? To be on the safe side, I'll use headphones next time.

Trying melatonin again - limiting screen time even further
The antidepressant had little or no effect as a sleeping pill this time. The fact that I was able to sleep better on Tuesday was probably more due to the fact that I had exhausted myself in rehab sports. I will stop taking the antidepressant for the time being and try melatonin again, but this time for longer than a few days and without the calming tea (it's too diuretic for me). I'm also trying to limit my screen time even further in the evening.

Do I have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome?
I increasingly suspect that I might have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS), which is more common in people with ADHD (source). Even if I go to bed much earlier, I usually fall asleep well after midnight. This was already the case before the problems with noise pollution started. I'm curious to see what my psychiatrist has to say about my assumption.

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